What to Expect Now That Beyonce is Expecting

30 Aug

If there is anything people love more than peeking into the lives of people they don’t know is peeking into the lives of famous people they don’t know. Personally, I think this country is too damn obsessed with celebrity. So much that the lines between reality and fantasy are blurred beyond recognition. To quote Ariel and her latest post on Armoire Chic regarding the public outrage of Will and Jada’s rumored separation, “How did we allow someone else’s happiness determine our own? We don’t even know these people, for goodness sake! Is it that easy to give up on love?” The Smith’s later released a statement saying that they were not headed for divorce court but the damage was done; people were losing their ever loving minds over a couple they had never met.

Enter, Beyonce and Jay-Z.

I’ve long expressed my dismay over the power couple. They are notoriously private but that does not stop them from over-saturating the media. I think Beyonce’s pregnancy marks an all time high (or low, depending on who you ask) for the couple’s PR strategy.  Not only do they both have albums in stores and pending tours in the works, they are now making room for a little prince or princess. In turn, their teams will find new and nauseating ways to subject us to Beyonce and her baby bump.

Oh the joys of opening the market.

Baby Dereon – Let’s be real, who’s still wearing Dereon? On second thought, don’t answer that. I’m not sure what they’re offering this year but I know what will be on the roster next year; expanding that Dereon goodness to a infant and children’s line. Nothing says I love my kid like a rhinestone encrusted bottle warmer or a four pack of sequin receiving blankets. Rocawear already makes kids clothes so I’m sure a capsule collection is in the works, ‘For the baby who has everything’

Miss Tina for Motherhood Maternity – I hope to gawd Motherhood Maternity doesnt have Tina Knowles on speed dial. I’m sorry I even put this out there but Miss Tina is an opportunist if I ever saw one. Not only does she have a hand in that travesty that is Dereon but she has a line at WalMart and peddles her wares on HSN. Miss T is a hustler, plain and simple. I’m sure she will find a way to parlay the arrival of her newest grandbaby into a lucrative deal with Motherhood or another company of the like.

Beyonce Baby Playset –  Gotta start em off on the right foot. You’ve seen the videos of a 8-year-old Beyonce in heels performing Proud Mary or some other Tina Turner classic. Mathew Knowles has a recipe for success. The singer and her father are estranged now but I can see a reconciliation in the near future over the development of the newest line of baby toys. The Beyonce Experience Playset. Complete with pop up stage, costume changes, karaoke machine with the complete Destiny’s Child’s and Mrs. Carter’s discographies, mini lacefront wigs and pint-sized turbo fans. Come on! You know no Beyonce performance is complete without the lacefront and wind machines.

The Lullaby album – Much like the Destiny’s Child Christmas album but better. You know what they say about singing to your unborn? Well, I’m almost certain not only will Beyonce be serenading her little one to the classics like ‘Hush Little Baby” and  “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” in her signature sultry Texan twang but there will be a few new cuts on the album as well. And there will undoubtedly be guest appearances by  Auntie Kelly, Uncle ‘Ye and the proud pappy himself, Jay-Z.

Obsessive day to day coverage – Within minutes of announcing the pregnancy on the VMA’s black carpet Twitter was ablaze with commentary from the fans/stans at home. There were folks on my timeline claiming to be in tears over Beyonce’s newly occupied uterus. In an hour there were several Twitter accounts dedicated to the fetus (no really, people have too much time on their hands  – see: BeyoncesFetus and BeyonceFetus). Currently people are tweeting about Bey and Jay’s baking bun at a whopping 6000 tweets per minute making Beyonce’s pregnancy a worldwide trending topic. And this is just Twitter. I dont even want to think about the official coverage from the media and the impending endorsements that will have a glowing  progesterone pumped Mrs. Carter peddling everything from One A Day Women’s Prenatal vitamins (with folic acid!) to baby car seats.  I’m not looking forward to any of it.

-Nikki B.

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3 Responses to “What to Expect Now That Beyonce is Expecting”

  1. ms. sasha August 30, 2011 at 4:38 PM #

    Great post….i actually did not know about the pregnancy until i read my TL and i continued to enjoy my vacation just the same.

    • Roaring 20s August 30, 2011 at 7:42 PM #

      Lol as you should! Hope it was a good vaca tho 🙂

  2. Angela August 31, 2011 at 4:45 PM #

    Loved your post, could stop laughing. Self-promotion is alive and well (maybe).

    For those of you who feel maternal and nuturing, don’t run out and buy their products making them wealthier, invest in your future by saving those coins that you were thinking of spending on yourself.

    Always remember, did they send you a check to cash.

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